rant - o - rama

Yes kids, this is a rant.

Maybe not a Waffles-worthy rant, but a rant nonetheless.

The following occurred not a half hour ago at the club.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Tell me, what kind of a fucktard mental midget asswipe fonkey answers his fucking cell phone when he's in a hand???

A HU hand??

After the turn when someone (me) has just gone all in ( made my gutshot straight) and it's his turn to act?

And then talks to his wife for a minute or so? Making us all wait?

Then hangs up (no apology, of course not, the world obviously revovles around him, how stupid of me not to know that), and calls my all in without really thinking about what's on the board, has no clue about his hand vs. my hand then proceeds to catch the ONE FUCKING CARD that beats me? And doesn't even really grok it until the dealer starts pushing chips to him?

AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've obviously been playing online too much, and have gotten way too comfortable with expressing my feelings without any filters. As I grabbed my stuff (no way I was going to buy back in in that mood), I said to the table at large, "It's like playing with donkeys and retards."

Certainly not my finest hour. But I can't find it within me to be sorry I said it.

But it really was like playing with the aforementioned groups. I played tight and well, counted outs and calculated odds, paid attention and folded (played 4 hands in 1.5 hours). But why study the game, and try to be smarter and play smart poker, when there is ALWAYS some drooling lemur ready to take you out with a moronic move and yokel guffaw.

And don't give me the crap about how these people lose in the long run, and smart people will win in the long run.

I. am. not. buying. it. right. now. so. save. your. breath.

If I was smart I'd quit poker. But thena gain if I was smart I'd win more at poker so the pundits say. Therefore I must be stupid. So then I'm going to regress and go back to being a fucking lemur, as that is what is obviously paying the dividends these days.

I was much happier when I had no fucking clue what I was doing. Really.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Rant is over. For now.

8 Responses to “rant - o - rama”

  1. # Blogger SirFWALGMan

    I am honored. You Kat are now an excellent poker player. Everything from here on out is going to drive you bat shit. Once you learn to control that THEN you will be a successful poker player. (I am still trying).  

  2. # Blogger Michael Albert

    Stupid would have rebought. So I say smart.  

  3. # Blogger Michael Albert

    Oh, and remember Grasshopper, the way of the Waffle is not the only road to enlightenment.  

  4. # Blogger Graham

    Poker sucks.  

  5. # Blogger Pokerwolf

    Sounds like this is more of an emotional problem than a poker problem.

    Still sucks, though.  

  6. # Blogger Astin

    This story isn't nearly as cute as the one about the girl and the stamps.

    I don't know who let the tour bus into our club, but it was obviously loaded with donkeys. Did you feel the same aura of poseur coming off the crowd as I did last night?

    Captcha is "dewem"... not sure why that made me smile.  

  7. # Blogger Shelly

    They used to call me Shellmuth at my home game, and my rants read just about word for word what you wrote. I've learned to keep a lid on that response, but it still feels that way sometimes. Somehow I just accepted as fact that the scoobies will outdraw me sometimes, and it is what it is. I either had to accept it or stop playing this game because otherwise it was going to land me in the nuthouse! Every time a donkmonkey pays me off and loses chasing some longshot, I make a point to smile inside. (Sometimes I hear voices saying, "haha, you stupid f*$%king donkey, serves you right!" but most of the time I just try to smile hehehe). You'll see that you probably smile more than they suck out. Most days :)  

  8. # Blogger Robert P

    Ha! Last house game I played the same thing happened to me. Lost all-in at the flop with 3Qs to runner-runner spades for a flush. Then, last hand of the night, lost all in with a flopped straight to runner-runner for a full house.

    I didn't bother calling them horses asses, since they are friends. Sometimes, the abyss stares back.  

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