CC's question

CC posted a teaser on his blog for a future post, one that has me turning over the rocks in my head to see if I find insights or creepy crawlies underneath.

Am I better because of poker?

My first gut reaction is a loud "Hell, no! "

But then the question begs me to dig deeper... a better what?

A better swearer? Fuck, yeah. Like the saying goes, you never really learn to swear until you learn to play poker. My verbal control has slipped...the wake up call came at school, when a computer dropped on my sandal-clad foot and an emphatic "you m*the*r-f*ck*r!" slipped out. Thankfully only one 18 year old was nearby and she's not the kind of person to hold it over me. Much.

A better person? A resounding maybe. I feel that playing poker over the last few years has has the same effect as sanding a piece of furniture with a coarse grain sandpaper. The veneer has been stripped off, and the rough grain is revealed to the world. The softer, gentler edges I've received as part of my mother's training to make me "lady-like" seem to have disappeared, which makes me both pleased and incredibly sad at the same time. I am definitely my father's daughter.

A better woman? Yes. Strong, confident and equal to the task; a feeling that is carrying over into other areas of my life again.

A better version of me? Definitely. I don't think you could even pretend to be a successful and growing player without making some forays into your psyche. Poker has made me take a hard look at the dark corners, places where I've been able to avoid shining too bright a light into. My self awareness has been stretched to accommodate my new understanding of discipline (fold, dammit!), patience (fold, dammit!), math (zero odds, fold, dammit!), and how to handle infuriating behaviour (why the fuck didn't you fold, dammit!).

And I am definitely better for having become a part of the blogger crew. From Iggy's ubers to Waffles' rants to Carmen's shopping expeditions, there's always something to be gleaned from each swing through my bloglines. And let's not forget the events, the two Vegas WPBT's and the Bash, which have helped me rediscover something I didn't even know I'd lost.

So I guess my first reaction is wrong. I am better because of poker. Now I just have to get better at playing poker.

1 Responses to “CC's question”

  1. # Blogger Astin

    Boy, it would be strange if CC's answer was just "Yup."  

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    Katitude



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