Brace yourselves...

Yes my's some actual poker content.


But it's still more of the touchy-feely-all-about-me-navel-gazing shit.


As mentioned during my Thursday vent, I've just not really felt like playing. I don't think that Elvis has necessarily left the building, but there are other things getting in the way at the moment.

That's not to say I haven't been playing, I have. I just haven't really felt like it. Habit is an interesting thing, isn't it?

Friday I peeped my way into the 9k, and placed ITM at 54 out of 500-ish. Saturday I peeped some, and played the 5k while playing a $2 rebuy. I was so card dead in the 5k that I pretty much folded myself out; the poker gods preferred to favour me in the rebuy instead. Four hours I played that damn thing. Four hours. I placed 11th out of 180, and netted 18 bucks for my time.

Of course mixed in there are wasted peep attempts, goofy moves, a decent beer buzz with its accompanying donkey-ness, and a serious case of the awfukkits.

The net result is quite embarassing and more than a little foolish, but when have I ever shirked from looking like a bit of a fool? So here's the evidence that I am Super Donkey Girl:

PokerStars balance = $0.39
Full Tilt balance = $0.42

Even combined it's less than a buck. Hee. Haw.

So, it's a good time to evaluate just what the fuck I'm doing here. As they say in Newfoundland, whale oil beef hooked if I know. (say it fast)

When I am my roughest critic, I accuse myself of having a lack of discipline, an inability to grasp basic bankroll management, a disregard for the nuances of the game, an unwillingness to prepare properly, and card stupidity and just general all round stupidity.

When I look at myself in a gentler light, all I can come up with is that I'm becoming a good player who still struggles with both what to play and when to play. And sometimes, how to play.

I've sought advice, and have had a number of good players, players I admire, offer to help me and sweat me; which alas hasn't come to pass as people are busy and everyone has their own thing going on. Life happens.

I've tried reading, but good gods and little fishes, the good poker books are dryer than high school computer programming textbooks. Trust me on that one - I've had to review some high school programming textbooks. Yawn.

But I am weary of being a poker dilettante, a hobby player. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I've decided that's not what I want to do. I've had my fair share of expensive hobbies (yay for sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll), it would be such a interesting turn of events to have one that sometimes paid me back. I don't want to be professional either - I have a profession I happen to both love and be effortlessly good at (except the paperwork part, that's an effort trust me). There's a middle road in there somewhere.

And while I'm looking for that middle ground, I'm going to hold off on re-loading my accounts for a bit. I'm going to think. I'm going to read. I'm going to see if I can spend some time with my husband. I'm going to focus on work and on getting my marking and report cards done with the minimum of fuss (damn paperwork). I'm going to rip back the 4" of the sweater from hell to the point where I made my mistake and re-knit it (yippee skippee). I'm going to earn some website design money that will become my bankroll.

And then I'm going to get the damn software, stop being so math-a-phobic and start recording the numbers and see what they tell me.

Hopefully they'll stop telling me I'm Super Donkey Girl.

3 Responses to “Brace yourselves...”

  1. # Blogger SirFWALGMan

    A. Computer text books could never be boring.

    B. Is that your picture as Donkey girl or did you get a standin? If it is you nice shirt!!!! Waffles approved.

    C. Glad your feeling a little better. Poker takes a long time to be good at.. I am still trying.. so play when you feel like it again.

    D. It is snowing here! Wheee!  

  2. # Blogger Chipper

    My heart goes out to you. I've busted on some poker sites myself. I think my balance on Titan, Absolute and Full Tilt are all below a buck as well. Only PStars remains. Chin up. Only a temporary set back.

    Love that donkey pic. I think we all ought to show our own pics like that.  

  3. # Blogger Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo

    Hey Kat, all we all can for is to have the ability to analyze ourselves and our play to the extent you are here. Brilliant idea to take some time, read some books (Harrington I find to be not dry at all, and Hellmuth as well while I'm at it), and get pokertracker and see what it tells you. You've obviously got good poker skills so hopefully you'll be back soon.  

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