(Warning...blog post with song lyrics ahead. I know how some of you hate that. TFB. And what follows is also some of the most blatantly self-indulgent navel-gazing crap I have ever published. Again, TFB.)

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I have always been a fan of Elvis Costello, from back in the days of Stiff Records (who had the best tag line in the world "If it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a fuck!") to his flirtation with jazz and ballads (yeah I like some jazz. Get over it). One of the reasons why I like him is that he's a very clever lyricist - no matter the time period his words have always struck a chord.

For example this one from Red Shoes, off the My Aim Is True album:

Oh i used to be disgusted
And now i try to be amused.

Which kind of sums up how I feel about how I placed last night. While I'm still striving for amusement, I'm less disgusted with myself *grin.

I have a bad habit, which most of you know by now - I am my own worst critic and tend to beat myself up a lot (and not in a fun way either). I feel like an imposter pretty much most of the time at the tables, and play just about every blogger game feeling out of my depth skill-wise, but donating anyway because, well, it's fun.

But there have been more and more games where things click, where the game flows, where I GET IT.

And last week was a good week. To review, I started out with $11 on Full Tilt. That's right eleven bucks. I played a 8+70 token peep, then a Tier Two, and getting my entry into the Big Game. I took the remaining and played some low buyin SnG's and placed ITM enough to play another 2 token peeps. One I took to Tier Two then a 75 SnG with Joanne, where I bubbled (it should be against the law for BB to get AA just when someone pushes!). The other token peep I used to play another Tier Two but aimed for 6th which supplemented my account by $57.

What clicked? A number of things that Joanne said (ty for the tips, you rock!), and Iak's post where he says he plays for 5th. Talk about a lightbulb moment! Why rush around trying to amass a huge chip stack when 1st and 5th play the same thing? Just sit back, play the premiums hands, be Tight-Aggressive, and let the others donk each other out.

I was so ready for the Big Game. I was running around like a mad woman all day with laundry, work and lesson plans, and reading Pressure Poker as a break.

Then the game started....I was comfortably ensconced in bed sans the distractions of Hunny Bunny watching TV and bugging the cat. I was READY.

My wireless wasn't however, and dropped me 8 times in the first half hour. I know that some really good hands got folded because my connection timed out. I was...unhappy. We've all been on poker tilt...let me tell you, technology tilt is pretty damn close. Thank god/goddess for the cabled desktop!

Wow. You know what I said about playing bloggers is fun? Winning against bloggers is WAY more fun! I played well, probably better than I have ever played poker. I have proof *grin:
















I had some killer hands, but unlike other games, some of my hands I pushed with were downright awful - QKo when the flop comes low rainbow... wheee! I could become addicted to the successful bluff. But I won't.

I can't really talk about the final table. I played it differently than I might have normally, because I really, really wanted to place ITM. Being card dead really helped me to fold...in retrospect there were a couple of hands I might/should have pushed with before my stack became meaningless. But then again, Lucko loved to buy the pots with his huge stack, and hey, Blinders was supposed to get blinded out before me *grin.

I had 1500+ chips left when I saw KK...of course I went all...what else could I do? Cracknaces called me (who wouldn't), and as soon as he did, I had a flash, a premonition that I was going to get fucked on the river (And not in a good way either). And sure enough he made his straight on the river and I was out in 6th.
















I'd like to say that I shook it off...but there was something about the way the final table played that really got under my skin. It was the first (and hopefully last) time that poker made me cry...I was so goddamn angry! I'm still not 100% sure at what exactly.

I'm not really proud of my reaction. I was so gobsmacked and upset I had to walk away without even a gg.

But it was a good game. A fucking killer good game. I'll be honest when it was first announced I was perturbed by the buy-in, thinking that it was a way of excluding the donk players like me.

Au contraire....it was a way to step out of my comfort zone (such as it is), to make an effort to elevate my play. I became more serious when something big is on the line. Don, kudos and thank you...I can't wait until the next one!

And a huge thank you to everyone and their words of encouragement - you know who you are *grin. And big apology to Joe Speaker who took the side bet on my finish...it looked so good there for a while....

Oh, and when I thought about it today, even though I bubbled, I almost doubled my initial peep buyin of 8.70 with side bets *HUGE grin.

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So that's it for poker and blogging for me until Sunday. I'm heading to my favourite city, Quebec City, for an all-expense-paid 6 day excursion. Mmmmm...exploring the old walled city, taking in Ile D'Orleans and Chute - Montmorency.

The down side? I'm going as a chaperone for twenty grade 9 and 10 students.

Pray for me.