If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
-- Desiderata, Max Ehrmann

I had an epiphany of sorts yesterday, one that relates to everything in general and my poker in particular.

I'd been getting in the dumps a bit lately, questioning myself about everything in general and poker in particular. And the epiphany is, I'm not questioning my abilities in terms of myself, but in terms of everyone else. And the comparison has been making me bitter.

I read all these blogs written by people who are great players, read of their amazing wins, and bad beats, look at their stats and $ won. And my secret heart thinks, I'm not doing nearly as well, therefore I MUST suck at the game.

So while walking in the sunshine on a *very* chilly Toronto afternoon, I gave myself a reality cheque. And wonder of all wonders it didn't bounce.

So here's the poker-related stuff (the rest has been dumped in my private blog)
1) I have only been playing for a year. And other than 3 or 4 forays to Rama, it's all been online. And have only played the money games for 4 - 5 months. How fickin' dumb is it to compare myself to people who have been playing for YEARS, DECADES, even?
2) I live hand to mouth. I love teaching, but at a not-for-profit school, it's hard to rake in the big bucks. Hard? Fucking impossible. And the tradedoff between a job I love and no cash vs. lots of dough but hating most of my waking moments is a no-brainer. I put into poker what I am comfortable losing, and as long as the money lost can go firmly into the "learning experience" column, then it's money well spent. Eventually I will have a bankroll and will feel comfortable playing at higher levels. How fickin' dumb is it to compare myself to people who have been setting up a bankroll and playing for YEARS???
3) DO NOT TAKE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE TO THE TABLES. Yes I have been a bit bummed lately. Hunny bunny is working a lot (I've seen him for maybe 3 waking hours in the last 3 weeks). Friends are far away so no one to call and say "HELP - I need a cocktail". But reviewing my log of SnG's played, the ones I've gone out early all have the same notes...bored, preoccupied, distant. So why play?
4) DO NOT PLAY AFTER A FEW BEERS. Self explanatory. Duh.

So after this lovely walk, went home, played some poker and KICKED ASS. Went back to UB for a while to hang with my old buds on the play chip tables, but got bored at the 50/100 table and moved to the 1000/2000 table. Took the 500k that Bob spotted me and ended the hour with over a million. (Sidenote: pls take into account that the play chip tables on UB are so loose that it's easy to take the fish with even a marginal hand.) Then went to Stars (YAY my credit card payment cleared and I can play the $ tables again!) and came in second on a one-table SnG. Only won $13, but hey, that represents a 26% gain on my current bankroll, lol!

It's all about perspective bay-bee.