Oh BBT3, how I love and hate you at the same time. Like a man I knew in my past, you are so attractive, so appealing, so magnetic that I cannot stay away, even though I know you will use me up and leave nothing but an exhausted shell of a woman who is barely capable of forming a complete sentence.

In the other BBT's, I did so abysmally that I had no problem bailing halfway when it became apparent that there was no way I was going to come close to even a whiff of a TOC game, and that I wasn't even getting $11 worth of fun from a Mookie. The buh-bye was a no brainer.

But this BBT is very different. From the kickoff Big Game where I place fourth to todayI have been in the top 25-ish of the leaderboard. This makes me happy...this means my game has improved. Old holes have been plugged, and as I get closer to the final tables new ones have appeared to challenge me.

AND with the advent of BDR, top picks, and poooooooooosh fests, the poker nights are just about the most fun you can have while sitting home alone, without having to stock up on batteries.

Which means I am totally hooked on the BBT3 now.

But sweet jesus on a stick - FOUR nights a week, sometimes five, of BBT is killing me. By the end of the week, I'm giving the students work periods and self-learning exercises because I am too tired to teach. The don't mind, but sooner or later the administration here might catch on.

Like the day after my birthday (working hungover in this job is not recommended), I am plodding through each minute today, with 2:50 PM glowing like a beacon. And am coming to the realization that a decision must be made, as there is no way I can sustain this for another month.

Point 1: this is some kinda fun. But I am sacrificing sleep for fun, and trust me when say a sleep deprived kitty is really no fun in the long run. Ask anyone who's been in a girlie chat when I've gone off on some hare-brained rant or another.

Point 2: I want to be able to look back on the BBT and say that I played to the best of my ability and even beyond. And I am not playing my best by the time Thursday's Riverchasers rolls around after late nights on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

So here's what's going through my head (not that it makes a whole of sense to anyone but me).

• Less impulse; more thoughtfulness. Ask why am I doing this before doing it.
  
• Play less, play better
• While fun AND success in the BBT are not necessarily mutually exclusive, they are if taken to extreme. Have big fun, but don't expect a big win the same night. And if I want a big win, then dial back on the silliness and get some damn sleep.

Of course, I am so bone tired and brain dead, that there is no way I can make more sense than that out the jumble in my head. Much less act on any of it.

Maybe later. After I nap.

****

And a huge congrats to Waffles for getting the April 2k WSOP package.

It gives me hope *grin.