"Hey honey, did you spill a bit of oil when you were topping up?"

"No, why"

"There's a small puddle of something under your bike"

"WHAT????"

We are now leaving early Tuesday am, as HB's ST1100 had developed a leak in the left front suspension seal and is now at the shop getting a new one installed before 5 pm.

It's just as well; he didn't get in until really late, and we're both tired, bitchy and not as mentally prepared as we should be. So we're going to spend the day just chillin' out.

It's 10:30 on a Sunday, and I'm supposed to be packing.

Note the use of the word "supposed". That's because currently I'm alternating between goofing around on teh webbernet and getting outdrawn by card-chasing retards. (Note to players new to the game: position is important, but even being on the button won't save you from being mocked when you play 78 off like it's the new AA and then think you're oh so clever when you hit your 2-outer. Now go read a book and stop being so stupid.)

But eventually I will log off and attempt to pack up two week's worth of clothes, coffee and camping crap onto two motorcycles. Space is at a premium and decisions must be made: I can bring a book to read IF I take my running shoes instead of my hiking boots, BUT if I leave the physical book behind and load up the ipod with a few audiobooks I now have room for a small knitting project, the ipod charger AND a backgammon travel set. Even better, these will all fit inside my hiking boots, and I'd rather take the boots over my running shoes anyway. If everything runs true to form, I will forget something fairly necessary (flash card for camera, hairbrush, shower shoes in previous years) and will bring at least two articles of clothing that I will not wear at all (yeah, like I needed shorts in Newfoundland, or polar fleece in Arizona!).

Our destination this year is the Gaspe Peninsula in Quebec. I've been trying to brush up on my French by listening to some podcasts and annoying people at Okie-Vegas. Hunny Bunny has been playing around with Microsoft's Streets and Trips and has come up with a route that looks something like this:


Of course, this might have only minimal resemblance to what our actual route looks like.

Every year, once we've decided on the route, I order up all the tourism brochures I can. We leaf through the brochures, deciding on what to see and what to pass by, and at some point I will show HB a picture with my finger pointing to a spot and say "I want to stand there". This year's spot is here:

A lighthouse at the very tip of Forillon National Park, which lies at the very tip of the Gaspe. The road getting there looks wicked! Let's hope it's not gravel.


Imagine...two weeks with no laptop, no internet, no poker, no donkeys. Heaven. I'd like to take a vacation from the last item permanently, but what can you do.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I'm not at the Fallsview today, meeting fellow canuck blogger, PokerTart.

However that does mean that I'll be there for the Friday Night Bloggerment tonight (9 PM EST on Full Tilt, password is donkarama).

Thanks to last weekend and some idiots in the turbo SnG's, I now have something mildly resembling a bankroll on Full Tilt, and I'm not afraid to use it. In other words....

Quite the motley crew, at least on the outside. But on the inside, not a dud in the bunch. You've all read my posts about my moments of self doubt; there are many times where I just don't feel like a very good human. But I looked at this picture and I realized that if people as funny, witty, sweet, warm, kind, intelligent, fun-loving, cheerful, and generally fabulous as these call me pal, then I must not be nearly as bad a human as I think.

My god, that was fun. I have to say, I enjoyed it more than the Vegas gatherings. Not that those aren't fun as hell, but the energy is frenetic and there is just so much to do and so many people to try and chat with. You can't leave Vegas without thinking that you missed something really good. Not so with Okie Vegas; there was more than enough time to chill and talk with people. Gary and his wife Carrie have to be the best hosts ever, and made sure everyone had fun, food and beer whenever they needed it.

There are parts that I don't think I could describe, even if I wanted to; there are some experiences that I greedily want to hold close and not share. Experiences like bloggers taking over a table at the Riverwind, my delight at the Crow's Nest bar, hanging out in the porch at Gary's lake place, eating barbecue, the karaoke.

Oh man, the karaoke....Gary's wife, Carrie, rocks the house! And while I was pretty sure that I could never get drunk enough to sing in front of people again, I jumped in on Skidoo's rendition of Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes and had a blast! And yes it was recorded. Ask Gracie nicely and she might show it to you.

I was going through my 100+ photos of the weekend and Hunny Bunny asked me what were my favourites. I'd have to say these two:



Just two of the many shots taken when Maudie, Gracie and I went to the lake armed with cameras. The cicadas were loud as hell, but were often drowned out by the laughter. (In an unrelated sidenote, if you ever need some cheesecake / glamour / boobie photos taken, call Gracie...the girl's got mad skillz at making one comfortable in front of a camera.)

I made sure I had a notebook with me, as it's been proven that my memory is unreliable, even more so after a few Keystone Lights. Some of the best quotes of the weekend

• "I guess I'm priced in." This goober at the Riverwind kept saying this as he called yet again. It became the joke of the weekend.
• Gary to TripJax: "I think that cigar's way too big for your pretty little head"
  
• Maudie to the table during the SnG at her house: " Everyone is so quiet - do we need to get a computer and get the chat going?"
• Gary to Maudie as she rivers a Q to beat SkiDoo's 77: "Your random number generator appears to be fixed!"
• Gary to the table at the Okie tourney: "George's new Indian name is Limps-With-Kings."
• Gracie after looking at the Koozie collection: "Oklahoma's new license plate slogan is Oklahoma: the Koozie State!"
• Yestbay after I get a hammer boat during Chinese Poker: "That's a Home Depot hand - it's the house of hammers."

Man, that was one freakingly funny weekend.

But since this is mostly a poker blog, I better talk about the poker at some point. So here we go.

Short version:
I won. The earth has tilted on its axis and the apocalypse is imminent.



It's a blur. But one thing I do know is that it's four days later and I still feel horrible about crippling Gracie when her slow-played flopped straight was beaten by my full house and for taking Maudie out with a four-flush. Four flushes are so, so dirty.

My one and only regret for the weekend is that I still haven't gotten my picture taken with Lucky Kitty

Edit: Kudos to Instant Tragedy - not only did he drive in the dark of night to get to the lake, he also brought a tonne of swag, including the new Okie-Vegas trophy which currently resides next to my computer.

****

So. When is the next one? *grin

Edit: talked to Hunny Bunny last night about this, and pending any gigs for him, he's IN. It goes without saying that I'll be there.

****

Post-Okie Epiphany:

I am not now nor have I ever been one of those women who gets her self-esteem from her outside. No matter how lumpy it may be, my exterior is not what I'm about. (It's all about the bitchy interior, right Sean? *grin)

That being said however, I am a tad distressed by the extent of the pear-shape that I'm seeing in the Okie pictures. Plus my doctor is getting on my case a bit and rightfully so - why should she bother to try and fix what ails me if I won't meet her in the middle?

So I'm joining Gracie in her challenge - 30 lbs by the WPBT Winter Classic. Because apparently looking better, feeling healthy or fitting into my skinny clothes again isn't enough incentive; it's all about the $.

Flight delays, missed connections, luggage searches (not one but TWO), bad perfume, fussy babies, bitchy flight attendants, bad food, worse coffee and a dead ipod.

Yeah, I looooove flying.

But even if today's trip home was 100 times worse, Okie-Vegas was still worth it.

How good was it? The full list of superlatives can be found here.

Why was it so good? My report will have to wait until tomorrow as I'm too discombobulated right now, but the reason had very little to do with poker.

In the mean time, here's a foodie pic to tide you over:


Mmmmmmmm .... chicken fried steak with gravy, fried okra and hush puppies.

I am sitting here in Gary's living room, belly full of coffee and breakfast snacks like sausage and pancakes on a stick. People are coming in, and we're jsut waiting for Maudie, Gracie and F-Train to arrive with the barbeque.

I'm beginning to think I maybe should have waited before eating the breakfast on a stick, but the body needed immediate sustenance on morning after the night before.

There will be much more to come, but i want to leave y'all with one thing.

If you didn't come, you seriously missed out!

Don't do it again *grin.

Shane Nickerson has a pretty cool post up, 30 Random Ways to a Happier Life.

Some of them I totally get...

4. Avoid trends. Go for timeless fashion. I'd amend that to say go for your own style, that makes you feel like you.

10. Love what you love. Don't trick yourself or others. Bingo.

11. Cut out people that bum you out. Buh bye, Hubby #1. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, Miss Negativity. Lose my numbers, Back-Stabbing Weasel Boy.

21. Whoever makes you happy most of the time, that's "the one." Bingo, again.

25. Treat yourself to nice underwear. Life is too short. Hear, hear. I don't even blink an eye at the $150 price tag on a French black lace bra, because I KNOW that 1) it will be more comfortable and last longer than its mass-produced $15 counterpart and 2) I will feel fabulous in it. And life is too short not to feel fabulous.

22. Change is unavoidable. Embrace it, on every level. Like the theory of Evolution states (in a much boiled down version) change or die.

But there are a few that make me go "huh what?":

23. Learn how to use a gun. Call me Canadian, but I don't see how learning to use a gun (which I do know how to use and have my license, btw) is going to make my life happier. It did however give me more attitude.

27. Learn how to play poker. Bwahahahaha... Poker does not make my life happier. However, the people I've met through poker do make my life much, much happier, so I guess it balances out.

And I have a couple of my own that I'd like to throw out there:

• Do something you're a bit afraid of. It adds a bit of spice to your life, and gives your soul a boost when you conquer it.
• Do something creative. We all have it in us, no matter what parents or teachers may have said.
• Have an indulgence. It doesn't have to be big or expensive; my favourite is the expensive and delicious raspberry martini at the Rooftop Bar in the Park Hyatt. For $14 I get an hour or so of elegant surroundings, great views and interesting conversations. Sounds like a deal to me.
  
• Find a spot where you can go to observe the quiet world for a bit...it helps restore perspective.
  
• Don't knit with cheap yarn! No really, don't do it no matter how attractive the price tag is! Every inch of yarn needed for a project will pass through your fingers....do you want to feel 400 yards of scratchy, nasty acrylic or of a sumptuous silk and angora blend?
• Play. Acting like a kid sometimes is good for you, so the experts say. And even if they didn't say that, fuck 'em, it's fun.
  

Well now that the BBT is finished, things have gone back to normal, i.e. me busting out of the deepstacks MATH before the first break.

It's 7:40pm and I have finally kissed goodbye to the vile headache that's been stalking me all day. Not a migraine kind of headache or a too-much-sun kind of headache...just a low level put-me-in-a-pissy mood headache.

The remedy? My first cup of coffee of the day.

Yes, I forgot my morning coffee. Damn The Man for being absent. It's all his fault; he's my backup alarm clock and source of caffeinated goodness in the morning. I woke up late, had to run out the door for an appointment at the hospital.

And have been Queen of the Grumpy all day. Imagine that...me, grumpy. No, not as much of a stretch to imagine as one might hope.

Ah, silly me. Took me this long to self-diagnose as I had put down the bad mood to the mammogram I had to go to the hospital for. Words fail to explain the psychic blech caused by those fucking things. But women will get it.

Blech.

Even a bubble bath and a pedicure haven't helped.

Speaking of a pedicure, I realized something today. A little known fact about my mother was she absolutely hated other people touching her feet. Even the thought of it made her shudder. I'd mention getting a pedicure and she'd look at me as if I'd grown another arm in the middle of my forehead. Me, I'm the opposite. It occurred to me as I clipped, pumiced, and moisturized that I really dislike touching my feet; all odd calluses and those weird baby toe toenails that are so tiny and hard to put nailpoish on. Ick.

Where am I going with this post, you ask? No fucking clue. Honestly no idea.

You all know I'm no good for anything until I have my first coffee of the day. Maybe when I'm done sipping my dark roasted Sulawesi/Yergacheff blend, I'll be coherent.

But don't hold your breath.

I remember why I like this game.


But it's like there were two games I was playing. The early game where there were a lot of moments when everything clicked. I made my draws, sets held up, and high pocket pairs only got creamed once...yes you heard me...ONCE! I was having fun, I was confident and aggressive, and playing with both mind and heart. I was in first or second place for the better part of it. I'd get moved to a new table, and someone would type "oh shit, the chipleader" in the table chat, and it would take me a second to realize it was ME!

But then there was the other game, the late game. Where everyone's stacks got big, not just mine. The blinds got big, and I started to overthink things and go against my instinct (which would have doubled me up at least twice, btw). People hit me up in the girlie chat and railed me (thank you!), but I got to the point where I was second guessing myself and asking advice on too many hands, advice I already really knew the answer to. I was too conscious of my place in the standings, tightened up too much and got too cautious.

And while I'm pleased with the 700%-ish ROI for this game, my main emotion right now is some self-directed anger. I had it in me today to win this, or at least make top 3. And I didn't.

But then again, I could be angry that some donkey took me out on the bubble with a suckout. Again. *Grin.

Dear imbecile who hacked the Blogfathers account;

Holy fuck, are you stupid. Why the hell do think they call him the BLOGFATHER?

The whole midget housewife thing is just a front; he's really a very high-ranking member of the Digital Mafia. And now his legions are looking for you.

Watch your backups, dude. Be prepared to wake up one morning with a dismembered CPU in bed next to you, the smell of fried hard drive still hanging in the air.

Because all your base will are belong to us.

****

Goddammit, stop correcting me! If you keep that up, we could be here all day *grin

[01:56] supremeastin: see? all you had to do was threaten poker with leaving and it realized what it would lose
[01:56] supremeastin: sometimes it takes tough love

I'm tired and can't do a long post right now as it's almost 2 and a sleepy Hunny Bunny has wandered through and reminded me I have a 9 am meeting two hours out of town.

Eeeeeep!

So here's this:


Man this was fun. I hooked up my headset and generally goofed off with BuddyDank and Instant Tragedy on BD Radio the whole time. But while it was loopy, it helped me overall because I wasn't fishing or chasing as much as I am prone to lately (hole in game #1). My stats at the end look like this:


I had fun, I played well, and my bankroll got a boost. Definitely a successful evening!

****

On_thg has a new post called Reasons, I got Reasons. Go read it, it's hilarious. I personally have used numbers 1 through 4, #9, 12, 21 through 24, 26, 27, 29 (a LOT), 32, 33, 35, 38, 40, 59, 65, 68, 78 (a LOT), 81, 92, and 101.

Another cheap game, big field, after three hours. Now if I could only channel this kind of play on a regular basis:

PokerStars Tournament #54113883, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: 10 FPP
4187 players
$250.00 added to the prize pool by PokerStars.com
Total Prize Pool: $250.00
Tournament started - 2007/07/10 - 22:40:00 (ET)

Dear Katitude,
You finished the tournament in 41st place.
A $0.41 award has been credited to your Real Money 
account.

Congratulations!
Thank you for participating.

I could have gone longer - my stack was slightly above average and people were dropping like flies as the blinds were getting nutty. I was in the BB and when I saw the hammer come up, I thought "why not" and pushed. Beside, Robot Chicken was about to come on, and I rather watch that than fight over a buck or two *grin.

"Stupid suckouts. Holdem should only be played to the turn."
~ Astin

That so sums up my poker experiences of the last week (week? More like month or quarter!), that my first thought when reading Astin's IM was:

"Best. Quote. Ever."

And yes, in my head it did sound like the voice of Comic Book Guy.

****

It's occurred to me recently that my feeling about online poker has changed; I'm feeling about it kinda the same way I felt about hubby #1 just before we imploded.

I'm falling out of love.

The heady infatuation has passed, and we're at the stage where the little things that seemed so endearing are now irritating as hell. The relationship can be salvaged, but it would take effort on both parts. However, one of the parties is being an absolute prick.

As with hubby #1, the relationship with poker is becoming very one sided. I put in the work, do the housecleaning, organize the finances, read the books on Mars and Venus and Doyle and Harrington; I'm bringing way more to the table.

My last decent MTT win was in December. Before that I'd won money in the pokersource freerolls, stars and tilt MTT's, and placed ITM in enough SnG's that I felt satisfied. Yes, I donked most of my winnings away playing with bloggers, but it was always +EV for me because of the social aspect.

But since December, nada. Lots of bubbles though - so many that even a complete stranger who reads this blog calls me Bubble Queen in the table chat of last week's Blogger Donkament. I go deep in tourneys, but only when it doesn't matter financially; last week I placed 117 out of over 3000. However, it was a $200 freeroll and I made a whopping twenty-four cents for my 3 hours of effort.

Yippee.

And oh my god, the suckouts. I know everyone gets them, and I've been patient, but it's getting ridiculous. I am honestly surprised when I win a showdown these days, staring at the screen in stunned disbelief when my KK does NOT get cracked by the moron in SB who called me down with 56o and made bottom pair on the flop then a set or 2 pair on the river. (Oh, and Surflexus - 23o is the new 85o. I await your taunting *grin.)

I've been staying away from online poker for longer and longer periods - a whole week has gone by without me logging into a site! I'd look forward to playing every night with great antici........pation, but now the thought of playing is met with a mental meh.

I am losing my faith, my confidence in my abilities is in tatters and my optimism is dimming.

And yet I will play on. Because I refuse to believe that 1) this will go on forever and 2) that it's me, that I am too stupid to play this game.

Oh god, I hope it's not me.

Imagine that it's a hot summer day; the kind of day that's so hot that the sky is no longer blue but a dirty white, where the outlines of the skyscrapers grow indistinct near their upper limits due to the haze.

We're talking 42 degrees with the humidex, or 114 F. Fugly, horrible, bitchy weather. And let's not forget the smog advisory.

Now imagine that you've had to leave the calm and cool sanctuary of your air-conditioned and de-humidified apartment to run an errand, one that could have been avoided if another party (who shall remain nameless) had engaged brain at some point the day before.

You have two choices:

1. To take the public transit. The buses are air-conditioned, but it's non-rush hour so you will have to wait outside in the sun for an undetermined amount of time. The trip via public transit will take 1.75 hours approximately.
2. To take your motorcycle. This method will reduce the total amount of time away from the cool oasis of home to 35 minutes. The downside is donning the necessary gear for a ride downtown, and no, riding in T-Shirt and jeans is not an option. Cagers in the city are idiots and you like your skin precisely where it is.

After much internal debate, you chose Option 2, as you'll be uncomfortable and miserable for the shortest amount of time.

So off you go, and reach your destination after a ride hotter than you imagined and fraught with incidents involving obscenities and rude gestures (it's MY lane, fucker!). Still clad in boots, leather chaps and armoured jacket, with helmet in hand, you enter the establishment from which you need to collect a package. You are hot, sticky, a bit slimy and more than a little grumpy.

The chill of the place hits you like a leap into a too-cold lake, and the sweater-clad and ever-so-perky young thing at the counter looks up and seeing you in your gear, chirps cheerily "Oh, you ride a bike? Aren't you hot in all that?".

What is your reply?

****
A purely unrelated sidenote to Jules: I am learning how to temper my fuck-off forties with some impulse control and restraint. However, the way is not an easy path.

A "G" rating? G?!?! ME?? Honestly.

Well, we can't have that now, can we?

Fuckity fuck fuck.

Off for a week, and already the days are starting to run together.... eeep.

Today is Friday, which means the Bloggerment is tonight on Full Tilt at 9 EST. It's silly, it's fun, and it's cheap; and hopefully BuddyDank radio will be on the air.

Don't forget to check out the WSOP action remotely with Dr. Pauly, Change100, CC, Carmen and all the folks at Pokernews.

And a HUGE GL to the blogger brethren playing the Main Event - may the poker gods smile!

Man, I love Northern Ontario. Something about it always makes me feel like life is progressing as it should.

The trip to the island was fun ... 5 hours on the bike then the 2 hour ferry ride. The ferry was packed, but that's the joy of motorcycles - they fit anywhere.

I spent my time on the island just goofing off....looking at the water:



... and working on the challenging knitting project (five needles + two strands of yarn = a feeling similar to wrestling with an octopus):


I'm now deeply in Relax-O-Mode.

***

I joined Astin and played live at the club last night. I think I slipped too deeply into Relax-O-Mode; to say I sucked is an understatement. At one point I thought to myself, "Self...what are you doing here??". That should have been my cue to pack up and get the hell out of there.

But we all know about my inability to read all but the most blatant cues. I stayed too long at the party, and got stacked when I totally misplayed my KK.

Fuck.