do I still owe you a buck even if it's not about a specific bad beat?

"Stupid suckouts. Holdem should only be played to the turn."
~ Astin
That so sums up my poker experiences of the last week (week? More like month or quarter!), that my first thought when reading Astin's IM was:

"Best. Quote. Ever."

And yes, in my head it did sound like the voice of Comic Book Guy.

****

It's occurred to me recently that my feeling about online poker has changed; I'm feeling about it kinda the same way I felt about hubby #1 just before we imploded.

I'm falling out of love.

The heady infatuation has passed, and we're at the stage where the little things that seemed so endearing are now irritating as hell. The relationship can be salvaged, but it would take effort on both parts. However, one of the parties is being an absolute prick.

As with hubby #1, the relationship with poker is becoming very one sided. I put in the work, do the housecleaning, organize the finances, read the books on Mars and Venus and Doyle and Harrington; I'm bringing way more to the table.

My last decent MTT win was in December. Before that I'd won money in the pokersource freerolls, stars and tilt MTT's, and placed ITM in enough SnG's that I felt satisfied. Yes, I donked most of my winnings away playing with bloggers, but it was always +EV for me because of the social aspect.

But since December, nada. Lots of bubbles though - so many that even a complete stranger who reads this blog calls me Bubble Queen in the table chat of last week's Blogger Donkament. I go deep in tourneys, but only when it doesn't matter financially; last week I placed 117 out of over 3000. However, it was a $200 freeroll and I made a whopping twenty-four cents for my 3 hours of effort.

Yippee.

And oh my god, the suckouts. I know everyone gets them, and I've been patient, but it's getting ridiculous. I am honestly surprised when I win a showdown these days, staring at the screen in stunned disbelief when my KK does NOT get cracked by the moron in SB who called me down with 56o and made bottom pair on the flop then a set or 2 pair on the river. (Oh, and Surflexus - 23o is the new 85o. I await your taunting *grin.)

I've been staying away from online poker for longer and longer periods - a whole week has gone by without me logging into a site! I'd look forward to playing every night with great antici........pation, but now the thought of playing is met with a mental meh.

I am losing my faith, my confidence in my abilities is in tatters and my optimism is dimming.

And yet I will play on. Because I refuse to believe that 1) this will go on forever and 2) that it's me, that I am too stupid to play this game.

Oh god, I hope it's not me.

8 Responses to “do I still owe you a buck even if it's not about a specific bad beat?”

  1. # Blogger Pokerwolf

    No. It's not you.  

  2. # Blogger Astin

    Woohoo! I've got the Best. Quote. Ever.

    Also, it's not you. Well, it's not that you're too stupid for this game at least.

    Look back objectively at your play. Are you getting your money in with the best hand and then getting killed by 3-outers on the river? Or are you having a hard time letting go of hands that are already beat? Are you making good laydowns or scared laydowns? Are you making bad plays earlier that are crippling you into making crying calls later?

    If the cards are what's killing you when donkboy calls your AKs flush with unsuited disconnectors that caught bottom pair and runner-runners a full boat, then you have nothing to do with that. If, however, you've still got an M of 15 and you push with middle set into a big stack with a flush on the board, then maybe you have to re-evaluate your play.

    Remember when I told you a few months ago to up the aggression? There was a reason. The goal of aggression pre-flop is to get rid of the hands that can suck out on you. If I get beat by 23o and it's because I limped my AK and A45 comes on the flop, then I can only blame myself. If, however, I get beat by the same cards and I raised before the flop, then my opponent is the donkey.

    Remember - getting nailed by suckouts means you're playing winning poker.  

  3. # Blogger pokertart

    I hear you.

    I echo all of Astin's comments. Lots of suckouts mean you're getting in with the best of it.  

  4. # Blogger Unimpressed

    "I'm falling out of love."

    That's already happened for me.

    But in this situation it really is a "it's not you, it's me." I've just come to the conclusion that I'm not very good. I'm a bit better live, but I also play a lot less live. I had a nice run at the beginning of the year, but have realized I was getting very lucky (You mean you don't get quads 4 times a week???).  

  5. # Blogger SirFWALGMan

    This comment has been removed by the author.  

  6. # Blogger Drizztdj

    As long as my balance is above zero I'll keep playing on.

    Haven't reloaded, and never will.  

  7. # Blogger DuggleBogey

    This comment has been removed by the author.  

  8. # Blogger DuggleBogey

    If you get upset about suckouts, you still care enough about poker to play the game.

    The secret that NOBODY tells you about poker is that the ONLY way to keep from tilting when you take a beat isn't to be able to control your feelings. The secret is to NOT HAVE THEM. You have to ACTUALLY NOT CARE about the outcome. And when you don't care, then you can play perfect tilt-free poker.

    But ask yourself...Who wants to play a game when they don't care about the outcome?

    When you realize that, then you can quit.  

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    Katitude



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