"Doctor, I think I may have a problem."

"Oh, Ms G, is that right? What are the sypmtoms?"

"A quick and all-encompassing rage with outbursts of foul language, followed immediately by an overwhelming desire to break something into microscopic pieces and/or inflict serious bodily harm on someone. "

"Hmmmmm." He scribbles something in my file. He pulls out a pile of cards with black and white images on them, and holds the first one up.

"And tell me, what is the first thing you think of when you see this?"









"Poker chips flying away from a central figure"

"Hmmmm. And this?"










"What the dealer looks like when I'm in Seat 5."

"Hmmmm." (I really wish he'd stop with the hmmmms) "Last one:"











"DONKEYS! Goddamn donkeys!!!!!"

"Ah. I see." He puts down the pen, settles back in his expensive leather chair and steeples his fingers together a la Mr. Burns on the Simpsons. "Well, Ms. G., it's quite apparent to me that you suffering from a case of Pokerinterneticus Tiltinitus."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Pokerinterneticus Tiltinnitus. It's quite common amongst those who play online poker when they are tired, stressed, or generally not really in the mood."

It's my turn to say it. "Hmmmm. Is there any cure, Doctor? A prescription I could take?"

"Take two of these, have a bubble bath, re-visit a good novel and call me in the morning. And don't log on to a poker site for 24 hours minimum."

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So I've followed the first part of his advice and feel much better already.

I've been suffering from this debilitating disease on and off all week, culminating in an episode brought on by someone playing a better hand exactly the way they should have, and taking me out in the process. Sorry for acting like a git.

In about 40% of the situations that tilted me in the last week, it was beyond my control. You know, the time when some idiot calls you down with utter crap and completely sucks out on you on the river. These I can blame on the Poker Goddess being bitchy and let it go pretty quickly.

But the other 60%, well, those were situations of my own devising - improper betting, ignoring hand and pot odds, not paying attention to position, not paying attention period. Those are the ones that really send me 'round the bend. I can't shrug them off as the "that's poker" factor. It's just me being careless. And I feel like a right idiot when the tilt passes.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

No seriously, I do think I *may* possibly have a problem with poker. When I did a Google image search for Rorschach inkblots, I could not believe just how many of them looked poker-related to me. Is that normal?