e·piph·a·ny:
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

There have been a few IM chats with my blogger brethren lately where something has been said/typed, and it's as if a flashlight was shone on some dark corner of my brain. The really funny thing is that it was usually me trying to be clever, then re-reading it and going "oh ... yeah ... duh".

Epiphany #1:
Conversation with: Hoyazo
Sentence: "I do better live because it's more about the people than the math. Online is more about the math than the people."

I have always felt that everyone has their gifts, something that their brain is predisposed to "get"; and other things that they are predisposed to struggle with. For instance, my friend at work gets languages; she groks them so completely that she is able to switch between French, Latin, Spanish, Italian, Farsi without pausing for breath (she's also knows some Russian and Japanese). But computers? Man, do not even ask me how many times I've had to walk her through how to save a file to her USB key.

Me, I get computers, especially software. With only a few exceptions (I needed help to understand Illustrator, damn those Bezier curves), I am self taught.

But math, well..... let's just say that I'm good at the basics. Anything more complicated than adding up the cost of 3 beers and 12 SoCos (the result of many years as a cocktail waitress) or multiplying anything beyond 12 (the limit of multiplication table I was FORCED to memorize), and someone better bring me a calculator.

And in case anyone hasn't noticed yet, there's math in poker. The inability to do basic odds quickly and accurately is a hindrance.

Solutions: 1) Get the farging software already, woman! I had put myself in a Catch-22 that I need to break out of, which sounds so stupid now I'm not even going to write it down. 2) Play less online and more live. This involves me getting away from the laptop, off the couch and OUTSIDE. Upon further thought, this is not a bad thing.

Epiphany #2
Conversation with: 23skidoo
Sentence: "I play under the constant threat of donkey attack. They congregate more on these levels and I can't afford to play higher."

The issues of playing with a teenie weenie bankroll are obvious; the cheaper SnG's are fonkey minefields, but one miscalculation at a higher buy-in level can cripple you in ugly ways.

Oh, and another problem with always playing where the donkeys graze is that unless you are really vigilant (which I'm not), it does start to rub off. You know what they say...if you can't see the donkey at the table, it's likely you. And as I've learned during the $1+1 rebuy bloggerment....she who lives by the suckout, dies by the suckout. Usually on the bubble.

Solutions: 1) Play waaaay tighter at these levels. Like channeling my inner Gary kind of tight. Keep paying attention to position and betting patterns. 2) Stop being such a cheap idiot and deposit enough so that it can be called a bankroll. $50 US is not a bankroll. $50 US is drinking money for a night.

Epiphany #3
Conversation with: myself
Sentence: "Do I really want to stay on this plateau for much longer?"

No. I don't. My game needs work, and I know I have holes that need plugging, beyond math and bankroll management. God, I almost feel like I'm back at the beginning (I know I'm not, but I feel like it).

Solutions: I'd value any input. And assistance. God, I'll even pay for it *grin.

Yes, I have a business proposition in mind if someone has the time to sweat me.

As of tomorrow, I am off for nine weeks, three of which are spoken for as vacation time. My goals for the end of the summer are simple: to learn the skills necessary and make these (so complicated, but so beautiful), and to learn the rest of the skills necessary to stop sucking so much at poker!