"Don't be afraid."
"Do I look like a woman who is frightened easily?"

This was a small snippet of a conversation I had with someone on Sunday, and it's been rattling around in my head ever since. I don't quite remember the context, although I do remember it seemed a bit cryptic at the time. But it was said during one of those moments of utter clarity that seem to happen when you are least ready for them.

Don't be afraid.

I like a bit of fear. It adds that edge to events, that makes you feel alive. Facing and conquering a fear is a killer rush, way better than hitting a royal flush with a table full of takers, better than that perfect hit of your substance of choice, sometimes even better than sex.

Every critical decision is really made out of desire tempered by fear. I hear it all the time: "I'd love to ________, but I'm too scared". Then you just don't want it enough, do you?

Don't be afraid.

I try very, very hard not to let fear cripple me. I made a concious decision at eighteen to not be one of those people who laid on their deathbed uttering a litany of "I wish I'd done this, that or the other". But sometimes fear is insidious. It sneaks in under the radar. Like last weekend in Vegas - I was running scared. And the worst part is I didn't even know it until I got home.

Due to a major financial setback, I came to Vegas with about 1/3 of the bankroll I'd originally planned. To make matters worse, this represented my cash flow for the month of July. Now, I try to have the attitude that when I hit the casino and push my bills towards the cashier, my money is gone. Spent. Any of those round clay disks left at the end of my session are found money. That way I can be aggressive and, well, fearless. But last weekend I was constantly aware that chips = money and my fear of coming home broke crippled me.

I made decisions based on a not losing strategy versus a winning strategy. I played limit, which I am not all that good at, because, as my reasoning went, it takes you longer to lose a stack. When I played no-limit, I checked and minimum raised like it was my career. And, you guessed it, I came home broke anyway.

So as well as meeting all the bloggers and having great gobs of fun, I learned a very valuable lesson: caution is just fear in a prettier outfit. And while both caution and fear are useful, it's never a good thing to let them use you.

Don't be afraid.