WWdN #16 or I Hate Slow Playing Bastards

WWdN has started, and I know no one at my table. THis could be a good thing as there is 1) no Joanne 2) no SirF. Oh I lied..Wil ahs been seated late.
First playable hand....A8, and 3 aces on the board....DQB!!!!!!!!

SirF is out..WTF happened?

Pushed Wil off a pot by betting my pocket jacks hard from SB. His next word...TILT. Ruh Roh. Ah, Wil's been taken out the next hand by FishyMcDonk.

Staying in the top 25, some good hands but I end up just stealing blinds as everyone folds. Ho Hum.

Pocket 10's. J-J-rag, Alexe55, checks into me. 10 on the turn, he checks into me again, I go 3 x BB. woohoo Full house. Ace on the river, he checks, I bet 5 x bb, he waits for AN ETERNITY before he goes all in. I call, thinking he has 2 pair JJ and AA. Nope..he has JA, his boat kills mine. Takes 3/4 of my chips, I'm down to 560. Blech. Great...I'm 60 of 64.

I'm out. My pair of kings held up, but my J was kicked to the curb by FrishMcDonk's Q.

I'm tired, I'm still sick, and all I can do is curse, even thought that's just poker.


An open letter....

This is to all the players out there and their unwanted comments/advice.

If you feel compelled write a note to me in the chat window that goes something like "I can't believe you blah blah blah with blah blah blah!" or "what kind of a stupid fish would play that", here's a tip...keep it to yourself. Do you think that just because I'm a woman, I'm going to put up with your crap? Or is it because you can hide behind the nice anonymity of the internet and be a total wanker without reprisals?

Especially if you're typing after your lame-ass all-in pre-flop with Q4 off suit gets cracked by a flush. My flush. Yeah I rivered it, but pre-flop I still had the better hand. Funny how you missed THAT statistic. Loser.

And here's all the things I want to say to you, but can't or won't (two reasons, 1) mum always said poor losers should be humoured..if you agitate them they just won't go away and 2) I don't need a chat warning). These are in no particular order:

- you play your game, I'll play mine.
- there's more to poker than what you read in a BOOK, and after a hundred thousand hands, sometimes you just know.
- I'm a woman.....and when I get a strong blast of womans intuition I run with it. Sometimes it's wrong, but not as often as you might think.
- honestly, it's a THREE DOLLAR SnG, not the freakin' WPT.
- here's a quaarter, buy a clue.
- never underestimate the bored.
- poor losers can leave now.
- go to dictionary.com and look up the meaning of sportsmanship, then try and practise it.
- why don't you take your whiney sad self back to mommy so she can dry your tears.
- FRO&DCB (Fuck Right Off and Don't Come Back).
- Bite me, loser.

Poker is what it is...a game of odds, of juggling statistics, of a certain degree of randomness. The cards fall where the cards fall. You can try and predict it with odds, but kids, even a 1000:1 shot is likely to hit 5 times in 5000 plays. There's always the ONE TIME. ALWAYS. Don't blame the site. Don't blame the software. Don't blame the dealer. Don't blame your opponent. File it under shit happens and move on.

There's a reason why they call it gambling you know. And BTW, as a refresher, gambling is defined as:

- To bet on an uncertain outcome, as of a contest.
- To play a game of chance for stakes.
- To take a risk in the hope of gaining an advantage or a benefit.
- To engage in reckless or hazardous behavior.

If it was a sure thing, poker wouldn't be nearly as much fun.

KatFight Part One: Veneno-1, Kat-0

The first part of the Katfigh HU Goddess showdown was today at noon. I'd like to say it was an epic struggle, but (contrary to what an old boyfriend thought) it's hard to call something epic when it lasted only 15 minutes.

I could make excuses...coffee deprived, still battling strep throat, distracted by the yahoo chat, not quite out of graphic-designer-mode (had been working on a client's biz card design previously), blah blah blah.

But I think it just comes down to the fact that El Primo Poker Goddess likes Brad more than Clive, and accepted Veneno's offering while rejecting mine, LOL.

I had a few missteps, and was down to about 800-ish. Pushed back a bit with some good cards (and some utter shit, truth be told), got back up to 950-ish.

Then I look to see KK (yipppeeee skippeeee!). Bet high. Flop comes K-something-4. I remember telling myself to play it sloooow, I go over the top and she'll fold. Turn comes 4. OMFG A boat! Veneno goes big, my instantaneous call puts me all in, river comes whatever.....our cards flip over and.....

Veneno has pocket fours. DQB = buh bye me.

But like the Monday night home games at Tay + Tawn's, I didn't mind losing. The chat was fun, and it was veerrryyyy educational.

Veneno, you ROCK!

For a play by play and a transcript of the chat, check out SirF Waffles blog. And trust me, if I'd known he was gonna log it, I'd have watched my typos (it's supposed to read "I have to pour my coffee or my head's going to explode".)

See y'all next week!

Yesterday Tawny and I made our much anticipated foray north to Casino Rama. Even though I had the car, we decided to take the bus in view of the snow.

So, for five bucks return we take a coach with a movie to the casino - nice huh? Except for the fact it's a freaking milk run and it gets up there at almost one pm. Of course by that time on a Saturday the poker room is jam packed - took about TWO HOURS to get on a table. Plenty of time to get something to eat, try my hand at video poker (wow is that ever boring!), text message Geo and to check out the eye candy. Sidenote: we are not taking the bus again...its' cheap but that's all it has going for it.

I get in first, and sit at a table with 3 other women; one has a huge stack (of chips) the others not so much. First hand I see KK (sound familiar J?) but it gets cracked by a flush hit on the river by one of the women who's short stacked (let's call her QoL, short for Queen of Luckboxes, keep reading). Ah well. Sit for a few hands, then Tawny gets in. Her table immediately has a seat open so I move.

Now Tawny hits major pots in her first two hands and basically doubles her stack of chips in front of her. We play, I win some, I lose some, I fold lots. Thus is Limit Hold 'Em played. Good guys at the table, so it was fun (sorry J, not a lot of flirting, at least not at our usual caliber). Then one guy switches tables, and one of the women from my first table sits down. It's QoL. The first thing she says is "I wasn't getting any cards at my table" followed by "I haven't really played before". Now the second part I believe coz she really wasn't too clued in....I mean honestly, how hard is it to remember TWO CARDS through 5-7 minutes of play?? Yeah, yeah, I've had to take second looks at my cards periodically, but usually when playing drunk. And not every single hand.

You can practically see the guys at the table mentally divvying (sp?) up her $40 in chips. A few hands, she's busted, so she re-buys. And then, QoL, calling station that she is, hits pots to defy the imagination. A3 offsuit turns into a str8 on the river. She catches her flush on the river. In twenty minutes she's up to over 200. And manages to stay there.

I bet Tawny that QoL will have donked it away in an hour. The very charming man to Tawny's left gave her two hours. Unfortunately, we had to catch our bus, so we couldn't see the outcome. I have to believe in something, so I'll believe that the great gods of equalization will slap her down. Maybe not then, but certainly the next time when she walks into the poker room thinking that she's a good player. God, I'd love to see her on a No Limit table.

And how did we do? Tawny ended up up 34 bucks, and I was down 21, which is about the worse I was all day.

It's all in the preparation

This has not been an especially good week for me. I have made many errors in judgement in all major areas of my life: personal, work, marriage, and poker. Mistakes have been made (by myself and others) and people have lied to me. Now I expect card players to lie to me, but I've been lied to by people who have zero to gain from it...which makes me wonder about their secret agendas (yeah kids, the result of too many drugs in your youth is paranoia in later years...I'm not going to preach, just be warned).

Anyhow, these lapses in judgement have basically prevented me from gettin' any: any money, any respect, any lovin', any positive increments in my self esteem.

Of all of them, the last is the worst one....how can I 1) have any success at the tables at Casino Rama today and 2) kick Veneno's butt in the Katfight tomorrow if my confidence is shot?

So this morning I had to wake up early ayway, so I've used the time to regain my sense of fabulousness. Most women have a routine they fall back on in times like these - mine is:

  • hot bubble bath (Check)
  • pedicure, and nails painted CFM red (Check...and note to self, don't do that again after that much coffee....)
  • extra time taken with hair and makeup (Check Check)
  • leopard print panties (check)
  • lucky bra (black leather push-up...purrrrrrrfect. Check.)
  • dancing around to my favourite obnoxious music (today it was "Jet Boy Jet Girl" by Elton Motello and "Can your Pussy do the Dog" by the Cramps. Check.)
  • constant repetition of the "eff-cubed" mantra (check)

And the desired end result has been achieved...I am so ready to go kick some butt!! Wish me good cards!

Because I do read the comments...

For Sir Waffles:

I'm restless.

I can't sleep. I can't focus. I don't want to work (well I never really do, to be honest). I can't concentrate on poker.

What is this not-to-be-named thing that is keeping me jittery and on edge, unable to sit still? Is it spring? Is it something or someone else?

Sigh. I hope whatever I'm yearning for appears soon. This is a bit wearying.

(We apologise for this interruption. We now take you back to our regular programming.)

Because I HAVE to

Played a $5 one table SnG avec mon amie Juliette.

She won. I have to give her blog credit. So there. And NO, I am NOT going to tell SirF I "got taken down" coz I didn't. I was distracted.

I hate my luv affair with crap

I never realized I was an optimist.

I've always thought of myself as a bit of a jaded fuck (been there/done that/bought the shirt), something that gets a little crustier with each passing year. Hey, the don't call 'em the "fuck-off" forties for nothing!

But looking at the underlying reasons for playing some of the crap I do, I have to admit to myself that I'm a sucker for the possibilities, the potential of an underdog hand to become something powerful.

And that optimism (or stupidity if you prefer) causes me to have this internal dialogue:
"ooooo...pocket sixes, aren't you all cute and curly sitting beside each other like that. Here, come to Momma who will feed you chips and make you big and strong so you can feed more chips back to Momma" **
rather than this one:
"pocket sixes?? I will not be fooled by you! You are the weakest link: GOODBYE!".

I think that's why I like head's up games so much. With so few cards actually in play, I can indulge in my optimism and coo encouragingly** to my pocket pairs and TPTK, with good results. Plus it's so delightfully quick, purr-fect for a girl with such a short attention span.

Now I that I know my love affair for what it is, I need to address my optimism during tourneys. There's a WWdN tonight, and I'd kinda sorta like to place ITM for once, rather than being a chip bank for SirF and Joanne to wtihdraw from at will.

Here's to being a jaded fuck! Yippeeeeee!

** No, I do NOT talk to my hands this way - I am exaggerating for literary effect. Pfffft.

My Kung HU is better than yours!

Ok, it's really not, but this pic from SirF's website just inspired the headline.

It's all about the Catfight. Veneno and I are doing a head's up challenge next week, The Kat Fight for HU Goddess of the World Heads Up Challenge.

Not quite sure how it came about, but SirWaffles was involved, and well, there you go. And yes - he IS the one responsible for the name.

All in fun, and no, there will be no mud wrestling.

Live poker

I play in a regular Monday night poker game with a very fun group of people I know from Hunny Bunny's car club; and periodically the hosts, Taylor and Tawny, have a Saturday night game.

Well, not so much of a game as a....I don't even know how to describe it. Drunken bacchanalia with cards? All I know is that I've spent more money at comedy clubs and had far fewer laughs. And last night I was laughing so hard at some points that i almost fell off my chair.

The crew last night were:
  • Taylor "Dude! What are you doing??" - stone faced and intimidating on the Monday games, he has far too many bits of South Park, Simpsons and Family Guy memorized, and giggles a bit like a schoolgirl after a few frozen pink drinks. And after last night, I will never be intimidated again, lol!
  • Tawny "Velvet Fox" - makes a kick-ass martini...and too be honest I'm glad they were small glasses coz I think she went to the Geo school of bartending *grin.
  • Ryan "The Accountant" - why the accountant? Because even after all the substances that were imbibed, he was still able to count the chips and calculate odds.
  • Moose "The Tongue" - Oh. My. God.
  • Geo "I Looooovvvveee it!!!!" - Funny as hell, more so after a few. Unpredictable as a poker player, except you can always predict he'll bet heavy on 6-9. And he's wicked awesome for an old broad's ego.
  • Tom "I folded the flush/boat/straight" - keeper of the timer, it completely fell apart after he left. To paraphrase Douglas Adams, time is an illusion, blind levels doubly so.
  • Stacey "I don't know how to play poker, really". Uh huh. She played better inebriated in the second game than I do on normal nights.

We played two games, one at nine-ish, the second starting at 12:30 or so. I bubbled out in the first one, because I did what I said I wasn't going to do anymore and go up agains Ryan with only a marginal hand (Yes, Sirf, it WAS TPTK, sigh). I wasn't going to stay for the second game (still on antibiotics for the strep and painkillers for the tooth), but Moose kind of convinced me it might be in my best interest to stay for 1) the entertainment value and 2) he and I were the only ones who could see straight. Around 3-ish it was down to Tawny, Stacey and I (an all-girl payout!), and since Stacey was falling asleep on the table, tawny wanted to go play Karoake and I had to get home eventually, we decided to stop and split the pot. So, 5 hours of poker, 6 hours of laughing, and I made 6 bucks. Life is schweet!!!


I think I've been spending too much time cruising the blogosphere and playing online poker with the bloggers; the vocabulary has become ingrained. But it's a bit wierd when no one at the table has a clue what you're yammering about. Hammer? DQB?? (yippeee skippeee, quad queens!!)

Heads Up

I've received three of these lovely little missives from Poker Stars since I decided to play heads up SnG's...Yippeeee!!

PokerStars Tournament #19910165, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $5.00/$0.25
4 players
Total Prize Pool: $20.00
Tournament started - 2006/02/17 - 19:28:49 (ET)

Dear Katitude,

You finished the tournament in 1st place.
A $20.00 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

Thank you for participating.

Waiting for DADI (hey wait, that didn't sound right)

Chatting with J on MSN, got the webcams working...is it me or do webcams use the same make-you-look-like-a-prison-inmate technology as the the drivers license photo cameras???

Here we go...I'm with Frankl66, who claims to have never played in one of these before..hmmmm.

Holy crap! J busted Bob Respert all ready!

This guy is good...more back and forth. We're about even-steven.

Started to push and stole some nice pots. He went all in when his 8 paired on the board, but I had pocket nines.

Round two, New table with mookie99. So far so good.

Eeeeek..feeling stressed and outclassed, getting pushed but haven't the cards to push back.

OK, getting better. Stopped playing NLHE tourney style, and pushed.

Oh crap. I swear to god officer, I didn't think I was speeding that fast; I didn't even see that straight right ahead of me. Down to 1010 chips.

Break. Phew. Short one though. And this is where I try to claw my way up again. Yay.

Out in 23rd. 730 chips left and went all in with suited connectors, but alas, we both ended up with two pair and I was kickered to death.

Wrap Up:
BIG FUN....I think I'm hooked. And as a personal sidenote...I went out four places after SirF (hey a girl's gotta take her victories where she can!).

Friday nite heads up

I decided to try something different tonight, for no other reason than I feel better (everytime I say or think that I'm reminded of the Monty Python's Holy Grail scene..."I'm not dead yet...I feel better..." lol). So I signed up for the DADIII (Donkeys Always Draw Invitational II) Heads Up tourney on Stars.

To get myself in the mood, I'm playing a 4 person heads up SnG.....hooyeah!!! I'm loving this...took the first guy out in 14 minutes, and am now waiting for the other table to finish. I get the feeling my first guy was a rookie (J - bwwwahaahahahaha!) and he was not nearly agressive enough to keep up...his chips just dribbled away.

The other two guys are still going at it, back and forth, and are still pretty even. Crap. Don't they know it's not gentlemanly to keep a lady waiting??

THis guy is no pushover like the other guy...much more give and take. Oooo, got a whack of chips with a full house he allowed me to accumulate. Man is it ahrd to live blog in heads up!

Won. I'm thinking I LOVE HU.

Negative Magic

Did you know that dentists are magicians? Or at least mine is. In an instant, abracadabra, she turned my March trip to Las Vegas into a root canal.


Just like that.


You scored as Pocket Aces. You are Aces, baby. Pocket aces, to be exact. You are confident, value yourself highly, are most comfortable in small groups - large gatherings tending to expose your vulnerability.

What starting Hold 'Em hand are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

(guilty secret - I was a Davy Jones fan)


I beat SirF at something...

I am nerdier than 93% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Ups and Downs

THis weekend was filled with many ups and downs...

- partying with Jeany on Friday night (mmm...tequila!!!!!)
- brunch with Su and Andrea on Sat afternoon (mmm.....champagne and OJ!!!!!!)
- winning over $40 on one .10/.25 ring game in less than an hour
- playing a SnG with J

- not hitting the money ONCE on the 5 SnG's I played
- having to leave the fishie table to go out (see point #3 above)
- getting a particularly vicious cold on Sat night so most of Sunday was spent sick in bed

Thank you SirWaffle

I love bloggers. I'm new to the poker blogger scene, and not many know me yet. But last night a poker blogger took the time to chat with me on IM and give me some tips on my game.

Now this is someone who I have lost chips to before; someone who has a vested interest in me keeping my love affair with top pairs. But he gave me his honest opinion and good suggestions on how to improve my game, and man, was he dead on.

SirfWalgman - you rock!

But this is just one small part of why I love poker bloggers so much; it's not often you find such a supportive community, especially one based around such a cut-throat game. Case in point - Boy Genius has had some surgery, and thanks to Dr. Pauly, Wil, Gracie, Joanne and many others, the word is being spread to donate some dough to help with his medical bills (sidenote: thank god for Canada's healthcare system, broken as it is).

And now my 2 cents...for the 8 or so people that read this blog, I encourage you to help out. Best way is to transfer some funds through his poker accounts:

GamblingBlues = Full Tilt
HeyKidsItsBG = Poker Stars

Now you may not know him (I don't), but a positive karma load is a good thing, someday you or I may need help, and it'll make you feel good.

Pass it on.


Payments have cleared on the credit cards.
Could finally augment my forty-seven cents on Poker Stars.
Logged on an hour ago.
Won some money at the ring games, then came in FIRST at a one table SnG.

I'm so happy right now that if I had a tail, I'd wag it!!!!

J, restrain yourself from the obvious comment *grin.

If you can't beat 'em....

There's no sense playing properly, just gonna offer myself up to the luck gods.
- Katitude to her pal Dick Fordaze this evening on Ultimate Bet

Tried something new tonight...played like a drunken fuckwit moron who had only a basic grasp of the game (hey it seems to work for the rest of them). And lo and behold, my KK didn't turn to Hamlets, my AA held up and I made a pantload of chips on the hammer.

If you can't beat the luckbox suckout runner runners, join 'em.

I HAVE.....


    My Photo    A Kat,
       her attitude, & her
       in poker and life.

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    Click here for missives from the blogger pantheon.


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