Poker and Sex

Had another fun filled evening of poker at Taylor and Tawny's, where once again McDoom took me out (both games, grrr...why in all the hells do the poker gods give him AA when I have KK??? Dagnabbit!). But, as usual, the conversation took on a cetain...flavour.

Sexual innuendoes fly, Geo giggles and does his I loooove ___________ (fill in the blank), Ryan mocks, Taytay slides in with the dry-like-a-martini asides, and, in the case of last night, Moose did something with his tongue that will be forever burned on my visual memory (and will make me forever slightly envious of his girlfriends). I'm sure I blushed.

So on the drive home I got to thinking about the connection between poker and sex again. Yeah I know I've made the comparison before. And I'm sure I will again.

Sorry, yes, there was a point I was heading for here, but got interrupted by colleagues, and now it's gone. (J, d'ya think I should be tested for ADD?)

But those that have it good want to maintain it.

No Mercy

Waiting for Hunny Bunny to get home so I can head out to the Monday night game, and whiling away the time by watching the WPT Ladies tourney that I taped yesterday.

I really hope that I get good enough/smart enough/lucky enough sometime to make it to a WPT tourney. But I now also hope and pray by all that's holy to never sit across from Isabelle "No Mercy" Mercier. That long stare she gives her opponent made me cringe even through the tv. But it's got me wondering how I can shed my nice WASP-y don't stare-it's-not-polite upbringing; because man, is that ever effective.

I know, I'll just pretend that the opponent is an excessively silly and annoying 14-year-old-girl (had my fill of them today, ah tell you what!)...that should work.

forty-seven cents

That's how much I have left in my Poker Stars account at this particular moment in time.

I was down to four bucks, and decided to play the ring games. Sat in at the .05/.10 games and within a few hours was back up to forty bucks! Could it be? Could I have found my niche? Short handed ring games were perfect! I could be aggressive when called for, and the little newbie fishes at the level had deep pockets. Oh joy, oh losing streak is OVER, I thought to myself!

Went to bed with over $60 in my account, completely chuffed with myself. Woke up on Sunday, and decided to try out some tournaments...and donked away $40 in entry fees.

OK, screw that, back to the ring games, but I'll try the short handed .10/.25....coz hey, if I can win 60 bucks in a few hours at the lower tables, I'll be able to make WAY more on the 10/25 tables, right? Yippeee I go....

And the full pantheon of poker gods and goddesses took that particular moment to slap me down. To forty-seven cents.

And the lesson for today is: Pride goeth before a fall.

Low brow meets high brow

Well, my trip to Australia has fallen through, so I'm looking around for ways to entertain myself over my March break (TWO weeks off - have I mentioned how much I love this teaching job??).

Vegas is still a very strong possibility especially now that Hunny Bunny has offered to fly me down on his airmiles - only downside is I may have to go by myself.

I was also looking at the webpages for the casinos closest to me to see what sort of shows they may have going on, in case finances dictate that it's only a trip to "Vegas North". Fallsview Casino in Niagara Falls has the Commitments and BB King headlining, so I think I'll pass. They also have session fees rather than a rake, so double blech.

But Casino Rama has, get this, the THE TCHAIKOVSKY BALLET & ORCHESTRA doing Swan Lake!!!

Ballet.... at a Casino!!!!!! Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this amusing....

So I'm thinking, get all swanky, go and sit in the poker room all day, then go and watch the ballet (which, as I've recently discovered, I like a lot). Could be good for a giggle.....

My favorite POKER blog post EVER.... here.

Punk Rock Poker Post #2

As the last post was sorta kinda punk (god I love the Ramones, even that sucky 80's movie), we'll roll it again...
"I'm tired of waking up tired, waking up tired, yeah! waking up tired!
- Diodes, "Released", 1979

Yeah, I'm tired.

(Had a long list of poker related things I was tired of, then realized it made me sound whiney like all the whiney people I'm tired of, so I deleted it).

Have I finally hit poker saturation? Except for holidays I've played pretty much daily for the last year and a half. When did poker stop being fun and start being a habit? Let me re-phrase that...when did online poker stop being fun?

Blech. Maybe I just need a nap.

Vince Van Patten and the WWdN #10: Nolan Rules on Poker Stars

LEt me preface this by stating that I'm not a fan of Vince Van Patten. I know it's his job on the WPT to babble, but he does take babble to an artform sometimes. Plus I can't even look at him without remembering his dorky jock role in the 1979 Ramones' Rock 'n' Roll High School movie - makes me giggle every single time.

But he has said something that stuck with me. A few weeks ago I was watching the WPT (don't even remember what episode it was, I was marking papers at the time), and there was a rookie who was limping on a really good hand. Well the really good hand turned to crap by the river, and the rookie lost. If he had come out with a bold bet, the marginal hand would likely have folded and that would be that. VVP's comment on that play was "timidly played, heavily paid".

And that's what happened to me last night at the WWdN #10 on Stars. I got to the table late (literally logging in while still in my coat, having run in the door seconds after the start time of 8:30), and lo and behold, I'm sitting with Joanne and Brent Stacks, two players who intimidate the crap out of me (insert a Wayne and Garth "I'm not worthy" moment here). And the rest of the table made it pretty apparent that at that moment in time, I was outclassed. In my defense, I'd spent the evening at parent/teacher interviews, and I was grumpy and tired and second-guessing myself at every level (love the kids but some of the parents, well......).

So I played tight. Or I thought I was. In retrospect I was playing timid, and more than a bit stupid. The only time I pushed was when I got the HAMMER, out of position, and ended up losing half my chips to Joanne when she pushed back. I managed to hang in for a bit, but then realized my heart really wasn't in it, and pulled the plug on the life support by the time we hit the fifth blind level. Ended up 31 of 67.

Spent the rest of the night watching Gilmore Girls and Monty Python while knitting. Much better for my frame of mind.

It's all in how you look at it....

Did a tournament on PokerStars last night, and I was in the zone, bay-bee! I played good cards, saw the signs when my cards turned bad and folded, and after just over three hours, placed 94th of 2150, busting out due to mr. chip leader slow playing his trips, killing my two pair quite effectively.

So on the one hand, I placed in the top 4%, and made a profit of 226% over my buy in.

On the other hand, the buy in was a BUCK, so basically I earned 75 cents per hour. When I could have (and should have) been working on a client website where I bill at 75 dollars an hour.

And to be honest, I still think my time was well spent, lol!

My head hurts...

Why? Because of geo's cosmos. AND not getting to bed until 5am. I think I'm getting far too old for this.

Note to self: guest blogging while highly inebriated is not as good an idea as it sounds at the time. But I'm not going to delete it, 'coz I promisted I wouldn't.

in the spirit of guest blgging

k, am at the poker game tonight with the usual crew plus the added bonus of Geo's most fabulous cosmos. In other words having big fun.

And since everyone else was doing guest bloggers, I figured I'd let Geo take a turn...

Okay, well we just finished a game, and I'm distracted... oh shit. Okay, so we just finished a game and the cosmos were good, but what I really want to talk about is my sex dream about katitude. You see, it all started when were were somewhere... awww hell, just read it yourself!

Aside from that... damn I wish I had more to say. I'll continue that post from where I left off, although it ended soon after. However, I may continue it on a theoretical tangent at a later date, because damn... that makes for some damn fine masturbilia material for later. You know, Katitude's a lot more than just a pokertitude chick, she's a sweet piece as well. Lucky readers don't even know what you found. Booya!

It's time for some more drinks...

You know, after reading a couple posts on this blog, it sounds a little too online poker-ey. I like katitude playing in real-life line, since if I found her online I'd probably not even know it was her. Unless she called herself katdoesgeo'sdreams or something equally revealing. That's why she needed to come to Vegas the last two times we went, and not just because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

So anyway, it turned out Kat was in the shower with me, and unfortunately as soon as we got down to business I had to leave to go on a rampage. Now I was a bit torn there, because part of me wanted to go crazy, but the other part was like holey fuck, yeah booya! Yeah, that's it...

If only I could revoke chat priviledges...

The inane stupidities that people type in the chat window are killing me. Yeah, I know I *could* disable chat, but I might miss something good.


"NH" to someone who is blatantly pot steals with allins right from the first hand of the tourney. (since when is buying a pot a Nice Hand???)

" that in Europe?" from the guy who's avatar says he's from Buffalo (which is right across the lake). It's hard to say "go look at a map" without sounding snarky (but oh, how I wanted to!)

"Chics can't play...your old man must be coaching you in the background" - OMFG....I don't even know where to start with that one.

I have a straight flush draw off the flop, bet high to see who has what. Man to my left, let's call him, ummm, Bozo, just calls; the turn gives me a top pair of aces. I bet high again coz I'm a sucker for a draw especially with that many outs, 20x the bb. Bozo again just calls. I make my flush on the river, go all in. Bozo again calls; cards are shown and he has nothing, and I mean nothing, not even a pair, not even a card in the major suit. And somehow, according to Mr. Bozo and the other 4 table mates, I'm the bad player by making it off the I missing something here?

I can't tell you how great it felt to knock them all out.

New motto: Carpe Dumb (seize the stupid)

A picture is worth a thousand words....

I love this little animated gif. It sums up perfectly how I felt tonight after my queens over kings boat got busted by quad queens. Could have been worse least it was well played by both of us, sans suckouts and etc. But still....

So sorry....(was Boo fucking Hoo)

My apologies for the previous, now deleted posting. This is, after all, a poker blog, not a rant. I've spent too much time letting the wannabes and whiners at my tables get to me. Had to vent.

All better now.

Off to go watch one of the Three Stooges, eerrrrr, I mean our political party leaders try and suck up, eeerrrrrr, I mean present his platform to the voters.

I love election time, if only to practise my ability to read tells. But then it's not really a challenge as it's so easy to see when they're lying (insert your favorite witticism about lying politicians here). Of course, all of them except Stephen Harper. Can't get a read on him because I have a sneaking suspicion he's not human. He scares me just a little bit.

Speaking of politics and poker, check out fairnbalnced's entry on this subject, with an ammurikan perspective. Made me go "hmmmmmmm".......

Online and live


K, I am sooooo done with watching my minimal bankroll dwindle again and again. Obviously I'm not as focussed online as I should be, or I just overall don't have a clue. In any case my credit cards took too much of a hit over the holidays, and since I'm heading to Australia (!!YAY!!) for March Break, I need to be more fiscally responsible.

With that in mind, I have reverted back to my initial rule until I meet a particular goal...real money for real play, play money for virtual play. The goal? Until I can rack up at least 100k in play chips from a start of 1k, in realistic-style play, I'm not throwing any more good money after bad. Time to act more like a grown up and less like an addict.

Yeah, I know that it's very hard to find realistic play on free chip tables. I've cruised the play chip tables on several sites, trying to find the ones who take it seriously; Party Poker is filled with newbies who suckout without having a clue, and Ultimate Bet is just too damn silly. IMHO, Poker Stars has the most serious play, especially at higher limit and buy-in levels.

So that's where I've been for the last week or two, and am currently up to around 6-7K. And ya know....a really good win on play chips feels just about as kick-ass as it does in real money; and that sinking feeling over a huge loss is certainly offset by the knowledge that it's not coming out of my pokcet.
Details to follow.


Poker at Taylor and Tawny's last night. Man, it's too much fun. I'm beginning to enjoy doing a stupid bet on Tay just to listen to him go "What the hell?"; and Geo, aka King of the Sexual Innuendo, makes me laugh to the point of coughing. I always get 20 bucks worth of fun even if I lose.

And last night I was doing well...was chip leader after a few hours, but then the "what the hell" moment. Dave goes all in, I look at my cards, J9h, and think what the hell...I call. Doesn't he shut me down with killer pocket pairs? Aces or queens, I can't quite remember which (he got me with both). But this one was the killer....2290 of my chips go buy bye, leaving me with less than 500. I get a few more pots, but the writing's on the wall and I end up in third. But I'm still AND I win 32 bucks!!!!!

Jaded, non-poker post ahead...don't say you weren't warned

"3 to 1, 2, 1....we have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem" - Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

Thank the full pantheon of gods and goddesses. I am so happy to see the back end of the holidays. The enforced me into the vortex of Happy Happy Joy Joy* (see previous posting). Blech.

I'm tired of being disappointed...nothing goes as planned, I don't get quite drunk enough to have fun, the obligations end up driving me whacky, I miss seeing/meeting the people I want to see/meet, and somehow manage to lose what's left of my online stash by playing bored on New Year's Eve. Who knew that the 40's would be yet another period of lowering one's expectations.

I don't like New Year's resolutions...I think if you need to make a change in your life then you should JUST DO IT (tm) rather than wait for some point on a calendar. But if a need for change in life corresponds to the day on the calendar, well, there ya go. It's time.

Happy New Year.

*what ever happened to Ren and Stimpy anyways?


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